The 3 'R' Instant Confidence Builder

What IS confidence?

It is difficult to define confidence. Generally, confidence is having a core belief in yourself. The ability to recognise and focus on your strengths, whilst accepting your flaws. Confidence is often confused with arrogance or vanity. It is not vain or arrogant to have self belief.

What sort of things can affect my confidence?

For the worse or the better, usually the early authority figures in our life affect our confidence - parents/teachers. Although usually a past influence, their messages can often remain with us as adults.

Partners, friends, colleagues and bosses can all affect our current levels of confidence. Listening too much to others opinions of us can drastically affect our confidence. The first crucial aspect of confidence coaching is to recognise that our confidence belongs to us, and should not be put into the hands of others - it is far too precious!

How can I increase my confidence?

Confidence is a huge area. I usually begin work with a programme of 3 R's to increase confidence. To RECOGNISE, take RESPONSIBILITY and be REALISTIC.

STEP 1: RECOGNISE

Recognise your best qualities and learn to celebrate them.

It is essential to become more self aware. Get to know your best qualities - all the things you like about yourself. Make a list and don't limit yourself - it could be your sense of humour or your hairstyle! Decide which is your best quality - and start to use it to your advantage. Don't hide it away!

It may help to enlist the help of a trusted friend - make sure you choose somebody who will be honest with you, but also respectful of your feelings. Ask them what they think are your best points. They are likely to identify things that you have not recognised about yourself.

To keep the momentum going, on a regular basis, either at the end of each day, or weekly, write down 3 things that you really admire about yourself. Don't be shy! Let the list accumulate!

STEP 2: RESPONSIBILITY

Take RESPONSIBILITY for your own shortcomings. Decide which parts of yourself you would like to improve and take ACTION.

We all have things that we don't like about ourselves. If we try to hide them away or focus on them too much, they tend to be more noticeable! The next step is crucial to help you to improve your flaws, or accept them.

Make a second list of all the things you want to improve about yourself. Prioritise them.

It is essential to take this step after completing the list of good qualities. If you find yourself getting despondent, you can always refer back to your list of great qualities to keep you motivated, and feeling good about yourself.

Once this list is made, there are two critical questions to ask yourself. The first question is:-

Why do I want to improve this about myself?
Is it to please me, or somebody else?
If the answer is somebody else, then take it straight off your list. Confident people don't change themselves to please other people.

The second question is:-

Can I accept these things about myself, or am I going to do something to change them? Decide which.

Now, go back to your growing (!) list of things you admire about yourself. Each time you add 3 things that you admire about yourself, add to that list 1 thing you are going to do to improve your weaker areas. Commit to it.

The key to confidence is to learn to be less affected by what others think of you. Remember confident people do not seek approval from others - they know how to approve of themselves!

If you have truly taken responsibility for your own confidence by taking the steps above, you are learning to love yourself warts and all. If somebody criticises you, you will learn that because you know and accept yourself, what they think or say about you will become less important. You will be empowered to keep control of your self confidence, and less likely to let other people influence how you feel about yourself.

STEP 3: REALISTIC

Be REALISTIC.

This point is relevant to all aspects of confidence coaching, but to give an example let's look at people with low body confidence.

If you are struggling with low body confidence, it is completely unrealistic to compare yourself with perfect airbrushed media images. Instead, look at other real people around you, particularly people you admire. Notice their best features, but also recognise their flaws. We all have them, confident people too. The difference is, confident people accept their flaws. If they can't change them, they make them less important than their great qualities. Confident people present to the world their best features. That is what you notice first about them. Their flaws will be way down the list of things you notice about them. People with low confidence present to the world what they don't like about themselves - and guess what? That is what we notice first!

If you want to improve your confidence the only way forward is to take action! Take that first step to get to know yourself, sell your good points, and commit to take action in the areas you want to improve for yourself. Once you have taken your first step, you will be motivated towards becoming a more confident you.

Now is the time for change

Now book your introductory Coaching Session with NJ Coaching, contact me right now, click here for details on how to contact me.