The programme is in 4 steps, to address the
stages of pain and ultimately change that occur
when learning to move on from painful
experiences.
'H' is for HALT
STOP - Stop denying reality, stop
destructive behaviours, stop beating
yourself up! Denial is a very natural phase
in any healing process, but only increases
suffering. Face up to the realities - this
is very painful, but releases a lot of
negative tension, and it stops wasting
precious energy on fantasies such as taking
revenge or being reunited. Accept what you
cannot change. Some of the realities are -
you are hurt, you are emotional, you are in
pain, you are empty, you are lonely. But
remember, not any one person can bring you
every happiness. You will learn to find your
own happiness.
'E' is for EMPATHISE
Empathise with yourself. Start to look
into yourself for honest answers, don't
judge yourself, but look to how you have
contributed to the breakdown of the
relationship and take responsibility. Don't
be harsh on yourself, you are trying to look
for honest answers and insights about
yourself, you are not trying to beat
yourself up, or take all the blame.
'A' is for ACCEPTANCE
Accept the lessons. Learn from them. What
are the lessons you have learned about
yourself, your self-esteem, love, your
choice of partner? What have you learnt
about your fears within relationships? As
you learn from these areas, you are growing,
and preparing to let love back into your
life - should you want or choose to.
Remember that you are learning to love
yourself first.
'L' is for LIVING AND LEARNING
Live life at the next level! Through
exploring the painful and negative
experiences, you have guided yourself to
explore new alternatives. To start living
life in a more fulfilling way, try new
things, look at new ways of taking care of
yourself, find new interests, learn about
yourself and how you relate with others. By
challenging some of your old and accepted
ways, you'll have developed a newer,
improved you. Love yourself. You can take
risks, and by doing so you can enjoy
improved self-esteem and attract positive
relationships, passion, fun and love in your
life.
When
we are hurting, it's very common to comfort
ourselves by hitting the bottle, sleeping
around, losing sleep, to binge eat or stop
eating altogether. But what about the bad
effects these extreme comfort tactics have upon
our mental and physical health? When working
with clients who are experiencing painful
relationship breakdown, I use the 4 step